I normally try to avoid just writing about the day to day of my life on my blog (I save that for my journal and/or notes app!) and I strive to post only the stories that are embedded with life lessons and spiritual truths that could be applied elsewhere, or at least relatable to readers. So with that being said, feel free to skip this post and move along to the next one to avoid reading about my life! I won't be offended.

However, as 2016 draws to a close and I reflect upon the past year, I am overwhelmed by the highlights of it all! I need to share some of the goodness that God has sprinkled over and around my life throughout the past twelve months, even if no one reads it except for my roommate and me. 😉

Yes, I faced new challenges, struggled with new AND old inner battles, and had my heart broken this year. Sometimes, I got really down on myself because my life hasn't turned out exactly how I expected that it would. But when I just stop and decide to only focus on the good, all of that is overshadowed by the fact that 2016 has been mostly overwhelmingly and divinely wonderful. God has paved the way each and every day.

One year ago, an old friend of mine, @parislibretto, said this to me via Instagram:

I don't know if I just really took to that and it became a self-fulfilling prophesy, or if it was an actual prophesy, but those words gave life to my year.  Here's the proof.

After writing down all of these "highlights" for the year, I feel ridiculous for ever pouting, doubting, or allowing myself to dip into self pity, even for a second. Life is good. My life is good.

Writing out some of the ways I've been blessed helps me to remember that- to cultivate and strengthen that "attitude of gratitude."  It inspires me to commit to choosing to see the good, each and every day, and to respond to life with an optimistic and grateful heart. 

If you're feeling crummy about the past twelve months, or maybe wondering if this year was a total fail, I dare you to start a highlights list of your own. Like me, you might find yourself surprised by how the list keeps going on and on!

A couple of nights ago, I was probing into the concept of unrequited love. As it turns out, it's quoted about all over Pinterest, written about on many various blogs (including the NY times and my favorite, The Bolde), and Shakespeare's works seemed to revolve around it.

From all of my research and inquiring, conversations with the broken hearted, and on the basis of my own experiences, the concensus seems to be this: unrequited love is a miserable, awful, barely tolerable thing.

To long for another, burning with the desire to place them at the center of your orbit- but they want nothing more than another galaxy in entirety. 
For a person to constantly and naggingly exist in your mind, all whilst knowing that you aren't on theirs at all.
To have envisioned a future with another, only to realize that it is a dream that won't come true.
To know that your heart will rest in this state until someone else comes along and fills it anew.

In the midst of this, I had a realization that made me glad to have experienced such. As humans, we gripe and publicly portray our dissatisfaction and pain as we grapple with unreturned love.  But it occured to me- isn't this what God experiences every day? Is our God's heart being broken by our free will? 

We have this glorious creator, who wants nothing more than for us to live in communion with Him. To shower us with His love and favor. To lift us up when we are weary and burdened. To hold us when we are flailing. To embrace us and tell us how proud of us He is. To walk with us through the valleys and stand with us on the mountaintops. He is good and perfect. He loves us. And all He asks is that we accept, receive, and embrace that love. 

But how many of us turn away? How many of us reject His offer for communion and turn the other way? We choose to walk through the valleys on our own, rather than with Him holding our hand.

If we were made in His image,  and unrequited love breaks us so, I can only imagine that it's fair to say it breaks His heart too.  Hm. #justathought

Interesting Articles About Unrequited Love (retitled by yours truly):
Sometimes Unrequited Love Leads to a Grammy
You're just in Love with an Idea
It is what it is - Deal with it

And there it is.
​
In this life, we WILL have trouble.
We WILL face disappointments. We will get our hopes up, only to be let down. We will go through hurts and trials and tribulations. It's inevitable.

Rejection is one of the most difficult trials to overcome. In a world full of self-preservation, rejection is the thing that cuts through all of our efforts to say, "no."

No to you. No to who you are. No to what you want. No to what you want to do. It's not happening.

Whether it's being rejected from a job, a group, or a potential mate, rejection hurts. If we aren't careful, it can lead us to question ourselves, our desires, and worst of all, our own worth.

​Why not me? What is it about me that's so bad? Where did I go wrong? Do I just expect more than I deserve?

While tribulations are inevitable, our response to them is within our own control.

Yes, I feel hurt and confused and unwanted. But do I have to wallow in that? NO.

While the pain that comes with rejection cannot always be avoided, we CAN CHOOSE to carry on with our heads held high and our purpose in tact. We can CHOOSE to fall into our Father's arms, which are always open. We can CHOOSE to rejoice in the fact that He will never leave us, reject us, or forsake us. He won't.

For us, He overcame the world.
For us, He came down to earth to make all wrongs right.
For us, He broke every barrier to give us eternal Life.
​
He came to set us free- free from the chains of disappointment and pain and shame.

So, rather than sinking into sadness over what could have been, I'm going to delight in what is- I have a Heavenly Father whose love for you and me is deeper than the sea, and more consistent than the rising of the sun.

​That, my friends, is something worth smiling about.

Dear Reader,

​I'm a teacher. In a nutshell, my job is to round up groups of rowdy middle school students (God love them!) and teach them to mature as readers and writers.

As with any job, there are days when it feels like all of my efforts and intentions are for nothing. I'm standing in front of them, ready to give instructions or share some profound chunk of knowledge, and they are looking for their earbuds, staring out the window, or making googly eyes at each other from across the room. There are times when I just stop and remind them that I'm not up there talking for the fun of it. This is for them! They would be wise to hear my instructions! I'm only guiding them because I care about them and want them to do well in life!

does that sound familiar at all?

i realized... how often do we respond to God's instruction the same way?
There He is, always there for us, reaching out His hands and pouring His love out over us. There it is- written- the perfect instructions for our lives according to His will, through His word... if only we would read it and follow the directions. His Holy Spirit, echoes in our souls, His wisdom and guidance there, ready to lead us and our lives in the direction that is truly best for us.

Yet we don't always listen.

Today it occured to me - and not for the first time- that every conflict, issue, challenge, and ongoing difficulty in my life is a direct result of my disobedience to God. Every mistake I have made- you know, the big stuff- was made despite my knowing that it was wrong. Every time I really messed up, I was fully aware that I was stepping outside of God's will, yet I chose to do it anyway.

Why is this? Why does God place perfect instructions right in front of us, and engrave His truths upon our hearts, and yet we disobey? What is it about human nature that leads us to disregard good instruction that is intended for our own well being?

Seriously. I need answers! I know we are human and that we have freewill and that we make mistakes, because that's part of our chemistry. But when is enough, enough? How can we learn to turn away from the temptation to follow our own foolish will and to walk fully in the ways of His guidance?

I think it starts with daily surrender, moment by moment. But where does it end? I'm tired of making the same mistakes over and over again, when I know perfectly well the difference in right and wrong.

Sincerely,

a heavy heart